get to the point!

"I'd rather you hate me for who I am, than love me for who I am not"

Today I realised something - i can't stand beating around the bush!

I'm quite perceptive about things & people around me, so i find it really hard to 'play along' when i see people have ulterior motives - bit like when some people give you lotsa superficial small talk just to build up to what they're really after you for....it really bugs me! I dont mind if people i dont really know well or talk much to ask me for help/whatever but just get to the point! Why waste my time??

I'd rather not say anything than to pretend.....

As i'm getting older, i feel i'm less willing to tolerate things.....i think its less of an arrogant kinda thing though & more of a knowing-who-i-am-&-what-i-want/need kinda way....plus working means time is precious so productivity is key!

Working with women offenders with substance misuse problems is taxing in the sense that they've learnt to be so manipulative that being around them is hard work coz almost everything they say & do carries messages/attitudes.....
Theres recently been a couple of residents in with mental health problems....all of them do in the sense of deep-rooted trauma & all the PTSD related etc related to it, but the recent new admissions came with bipolar and schizophrenia! (i find it somewhat worrying that i could see the women had schizophrenia but our senior mental health nurse said she doesnt....the service user got admitted to Parkhead Hospital & the psychiatrist there diagnosed her with schizophrenia.....hmm)

My colleagues are not mental health trained or whatever so was interesting coz they find the 2 ladies really hard to work with but i love being around them! With mental health patients, yeh they can talk random bizzare things at times, but what you see is what you get! I find the other so-called 'normal' residents harder work coz some of them can be quite cocky & demanding! Theres one lady who has quite a rude attitude.....& she is quite pushy & demanding to me.....apparently she doesnt like that some of the staff are younger than her......which i can kinda understand coz i wont have as much life experience as her & all that, but my theoretical knowledge & other experiences say i'm good enough to be where i am so you'll just have to like it or lump it! I'm the kinda person who wont really realise/be affected by things til a while after its happened, so such people end up getting away with things with me...hmm......

Uni just does not prepare you for the real world though....its all well having all the theory but who teaches you how to deal with real life issues outwith of the textbook? I know most about Social Psychology stuff from observing others (personalities, attitudes etc) & severe mental health problems from volunteering & in work, and know some of the theory behind the long-term effects of abuse but what about the real-life daily things that are also effects? Like self-harm and suicidial ideation?? I understand the thinking behind it but where in the textbook teaches you how to console or comfort a person goin thru it? Gosh....

Although some days can be really draining & stressful....when i'm having bad days i wish my passions were in 'non/less-human related' work (like working with plants, animals or numbers! :P) but the truth is, i wouldnt change it for the world!

Good Will Hunting is a film that reminds me of my dreams when things get tough :) I watched the trailer of Sandra Bollock's film The Blind Side the other night & it totally reminded me of my deepest desires.....It has always been my dream, since i was a kid, to play significant role in people's lives...to believe in people whom themselves &/or society have given up on....i couldnt imagine myself doing anything!

Missing my precious wee Princess