stuff

Havent blogged in a long long time..where to begin?

I've recently been thinking a lot about things.....to the point where i'm lying in bed wide awake coz things are running thru my mind....NB ive been thinkin a lot about things, not about a lot of things ;)

On Friday, i had a mini haunting from the past.
When i was in high school...i think like s2 or s3 (when i used to come home for lunch) I used to bump into a Caucasian man who'd talk to me about Chinese stuff.....his opening line wud always be "Nî hâo ma?" then he'd talk crap about his knowledge/experience of Chinese people, HK, China, whatever crap! He'd actually stop me for AGES & ramble on, even tho i had nufin to input & clearly looked uncomfortable in his presence. More often than not, i'd bump in2 him whilst i was right outside my close door, so besides delaying me getting home to eat, knowing he knew exactly where i lived made me feel really vulnerable...
This happened several times...i cant remember how often, but i remember it felt like whenever i'd recovered from the fear, he'd reappear! I remember slightly more recently, i had to take the bus coz my car was getting serviced or sumin, i was walking towards the bus stop across the road from my house with earphones in listening to music & somehow he appeared (from nowhere??) & said "Nî hâo ma?"......it scared the crap out of me! Coz i wasnt paying attention so had no idea where he came from, plus his face haunts me! So i responded with a really angry growler & i walked further in2 the bus shelter bit....dunno where he went afterwards!

So thats the background......on Friday, i was walking thru Gordon St with HY & L....it was drizzly rain so we all had our hoods on & chatted away whilst walking. Suddenly a racist-to-Chinese noise sounded...we looked & saw there was a man standing (outside the Catherine Shaw jewellers? that kinda area neway) ...HY, L & i laughed but when we looked at who made the noise, i noticed IT WAS HIM!!! We continued our walk Borders but the few times HY & L looked back, he was following us! WTF?? Eventually L turned round & said he's away. Phew!
I felt reeeeallly scared! I know it was only 4ish-pm so kinda still bright, i had company & all that but still. His face brought me back to all the other times i'd encountered him & all the negative emotions that came with it! I felt really angry at how vulnerable he made me feel - back then & recurring now!

I mentioned it to Pinky coz he knows/understands the background behind it but being male, he cudnt understand my feelings....its hard being female.....

In City Mission on Friday night, 2 of the service users started making conversation with me (started off with "do you speak English?" haha :P) One of the guys was clearly the more dominant one in their friendship coz he spoke alot & the other guy struggled to get a word in....so Guy no.1 began with a quick summary of his history - he'd been in & outta prison since he was 15 and had pretty much only managed to stay out for like 2wks then get another 6yrs sentence, out for 10 days then another 6 years etc....apparently, presently he has been out for 12wks & is the longest he's been out for. He told me hes been in care homes since he was born and has been stabbed on countless occasions & has witnessed traumatising things.....he is now staying in a homeless hostel where the people are conning him coz he is the only one whos being made to pay double the amount other people have to pay.....

Guy no.2 has had brain surgery becoz he fell off a pier & died 3x whilst in surgery.....he suffers from schizophrenia & is currently on alot of medication.....

I didnt get to talk to them for very long becoz we were short staffed that night so i had to help tidy up....but i found it really difficult to sleep that night.....it totally broke my heart & didnt know what to do besides pray for them...but it has made me think seriously about the attitude i have Vs the one i ought to have, with regards to my first ever salary with this forthcoming job...the sermon on Sunday reinforced my chat with Pinky about chasing after the world's materialistic things.... :)

Think i've spent too long on this blog, kinda lost my train of thought :P

Looking forward to seeing my Princess again very soon! :)